“It’s as if I have a wall in front of me,” Joe reflected. This is not an uncommon description from many who enter counseling. The image of the wall has obvious implications but is always more complicated than it seems at first glance. Joe’s wall is a barrier between himself and others, protection from getting [...]

  Alisa is a team leader at a marketing firm. Her team has six members working on a project for one of their bigger accounts. Alisa is conscious of giving praise (when it’s deserved) and holding everyone to high standards. She stays connected with team members through regular staff meetings and pushes herself to make [...]

What’s the big picture look like, Jonas? Words, Luanne—what words do we need here? What do you know about our customer, Jeff, in terms of what really matters to them? How can we line up the pieces to this to make it hang together, Will?” Are there some symbols that pop to mind, Sarah? Jon, [...]

We all talk to ourselves quite a lot, sometimes out loud but mostly internally. In fact we spend more time talking internally than externally. This is a complicated matter in the relationship we have with ourselves, and it’s worth paying careful attention to the way we do this. Here’s an example of someone we’ll call [...]

Ned is a very active seven year old boy—tireless and constantly in motion. His continuous imaginative play is captivating, both to himself and to anyone watching him. Within a minute of seeing a stick and a piece of crumpled up paper, for example, he has combined them with other objects to form a spaceship that [...]

Many of us take pride in expressing ourselves clearly and precisely to achieve effective communication. Of course this is a worthy pursuit . . . but oh, if it were only that easy. The communication equation has two sides and if the communication is not received accurately, then it is not effective. “That’s not my [...]

Sam’s wife, Beth, made a simple statement, or so she thought. “Let’s put in a walk-in shower.” Sam was immediately sour on the idea. He grimaced and said it wasn’t a good idea. This upset Beth and she responded strongly. “Why are you always so negative when I make a suggestion?” Sam quickly responded, “Because [...]

Willie is a story teller. If you ask him a question, even a simple question, you are likely to get a story. It drives Ellen crazy. “Why can’t he just give a simple answer to a simple question?” she says with exasperation. “If he asks me a direct question, I give a direct answer—yes or [...]

“Jeff, wouldn’t it be great to take a trip to Italy to see all that magnificent art?” “Jamie, you know we can’t afford that. You’re always coming up with these expensive ideas that are way out of line with our budget.” I’ve heard this conversation in various forms at least five hundred times in the [...]