In my consulting work with parents of young children, I encourage parents to notice what the child notices and then to make a comment. To some degree this is natural. When, for example, there is a loud airplane overhead and the child looks up, it is common for the parent to say, “Oh, there goes [...]

Mark was enthusiastic about using the Communication Styles Framework to approach his marital problems with Martha. Martha, however, was more cautious. He easily identified with the interpersonal component and could see Martha’s intrapersonal strengths, and it seemed clear to him that this difference was causing communication problems in their relationship. Mark explained that he thinks [...]

What’s the big picture look like, Jonas? Words, Luanne—what words do we need here? What do you know about our customer, Jeff, in terms of what really matters to them? How can we line up the pieces to this to make it hang together, Will?” Are there some symbols that pop to mind, Sarah? Jon, [...]

Professional opera singers have voice coaches and professional baseball players have batting coaches. What they tend to emphasize are the fundamentals, and so it is with practicing good communication. I spend a good deal of time in the office bringing couples back to the fundamentals. Effective communication is not a fancy process. It requires discipline [...]

My early experience in counseling was primarily with children. Working with children requires flexibility and creativity, and through studying the work of Clark Moustakas and Virginia Axline, I learned that communication in play takes many forms—words, behavior, symbols, and feelings. And, of course, there is the primacy of the working relationship. This nuanced and textured [...]

“Jeff, wouldn’t it be great to take a trip to Italy to see all that magnificent art?” “Jamie, you know we can’t afford that. You’re always coming up with these expensive ideas that are way out of line with our budget.” I’ve heard this conversation in various forms at least five hundred times in the [...]

Interpersonal conflict is often perpetuated by each person trying to convince the other: “I’m right, you’re wrong.” I’m right, you’re wrong — at first glance this looks like a win/lose proposition, but actually it’s a lose/lose. I’m pretty certain I’ve said to every single couple I’ve ever counseled, “You’re both trying very hard to convince [...]