Gerard and Lucy were arguing about what happened in an argument they had the previous day. Lucy recalled the sequence of events and the words Gerard used to express his anger. Gerard became indignant and accused her of not telling the truth. “I was sitting in the chair the whole time and you just said [...]

Mark was enthusiastic about using the Communication Styles Framework to approach his marital problems with Martha. Martha, however, was more cautious. He easily identified with the interpersonal component and could see Martha’s intrapersonal strengths, and it seemed clear to him that this difference was causing communication problems in their relationship. Mark explained that he thinks [...]

We all talk to ourselves quite a lot, sometimes out loud but mostly internally. In fact we spend more time talking internally than externally. This is a complicated matter in the relationship we have with ourselves, and it’s worth paying careful attention to the way we do this. Here’s an example of someone we’ll call [...]

For real communication to take place in an intimate friendship or love relationship, there must be trust. Trust is one of those states that we experience—we must be able to trust and the other must demonstrate trustworthiness. So what does it mean “to be able to trust” and to “demonstrate trustworthiness”? To be able to [...]

Professional opera singers have voice coaches and professional baseball players have batting coaches. What they tend to emphasize are the fundamentals, and so it is with practicing good communication. I spend a good deal of time in the office bringing couples back to the fundamentals. Effective communication is not a fancy process. It requires discipline [...]

“I accept full responsibility” is the politically correct statement when mistakes are made. We’ve heard this over and over from CEO’s, government officials, and other leaders. Like many politically correct phrases, it so often rings hollow and is followed by a list of reasons justifying a lack of responsibility for the “mistakes.” The reasons usually [...]

Two people in the news this past week were fired from their jobs for being honest—and human. One was a journalist, the other a Department of Agriculture official in Georgia. Both were honest and open in their public comments with good intentions and clear purpose. The journalist was a twenty year CNN veteran. She made [...]

What child hasn’t been scolded for calling someone names? They are admonished: That’s not nice. . . . We don’t call others names. . . . Tell him you’re sorry for calling him names. We use these and other familiar phrases to try to teach our children how to behave properly and respectfully in a [...]