Many couples in turmoil find themselves waiting for change—more accurately—waiting for the other person to change. This is a dangerous, though understandable tactic. Here are some of the reasons why it occurs: I want to see if he’s serious. I want to know I can trust her. Words without actions are meaningless. I want to [...]

We all talk to ourselves quite a lot, sometimes out loud but mostly internally. In fact we spend more time talking internally than externally. This is a complicated matter in the relationship we have with ourselves, and it’s worth paying careful attention to the way we do this. Here’s an example of someone we’ll call [...]

“Look at it this way…,” or “There are other possibilities…,” or “Look at it from the other side…” Those with a strong logical component to their communication style often play the devil’s advocate. This technique helps them analyze a situation, discover the truth, and solve problems. Their intentions are good and their willingness to help [...]

In intimate relationships we come to know the other in great detail—how they think, feel, what they believe, their quirks, preferences, etc. Knowing and being known is important to our sense of well being. The familiarity implies security. The relationships of couples demonstrate this like no other. The special bond of living together and observing [...]

I’ve always talked a lot. Those who knew me as a young child tell stories about how much I loved to talk. When you’re a cute, curly haired three-year old it can be delightful. My son talked a lot, too, and his daughter probably talks more than both of us combined. Fortunately, when I was [...]