Seeing and Feeling the Dance

Bob — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:52:31 +0000

Derek had a ten-year dance career, and now at age thirty-two it was time for him make a change. Clearly he was in transition and wanted to find a way to include dance in his life in some form. So we explored his interests, ideas and strengths.

When we talked about choreography, I asked him how he creates a dance. I was curious partly because I can’t image doing something like this, considering my difficulty with visual memory and sequence. As Derek described the process, he became a little dreamy-eyed and began moving his head rhythmically from side to side.

First, Derek gets an image of the dance in his mind’s eye, but not a vivid image of specific movements—an image that communicates the mood and tempo of the dance. It’s a little dreamy but forms the foundation of his creative process. With the basic idea in place, he then begins to feel the movements unfold in his body but moves very little. It’s more of a step here or there, some shifting of weight and arm movements. “Nothing that looks like much to an outsider,” Derek explained.

Next he needs to be in the studio with a mirrored wall, so he can actually move and watch himself. This is a tedious process because he experiments a lot, changing and refining specific positions and movements “until it feels and looks right.”

When he completes a sequence he likes, Derek makes notes and sketches notes for future recall. Often he doesn’t need the notes, but it’s what he’s always done and it’s just part of his process. His basic memory kicks in as soon as he begins moving is body. The ability to process kinesthetically is second nature for Derek. As we talked, he also realized how important it is for him to get up and move around when he’s trying to “think something through.” He joked about how he “moves something through.”

For those who are strongly kinesthetic, I often advise them to experiment with different kinds of movement to discover how they can best use it for managing stress, thinking, communicating, and creating. And for those not so kinesthetically inclined, it’s also good to experiment with movement. Brain research shows that much of the body (yes, including the brain) needs/requires movement for efficient and healthy functioning.

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He Tells Stories, She Doesn’t

Bob — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:23:31 +0000

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Willie is a story teller. If you ask him a question, even a simple question, you are likely to get a story. It drives Ellen crazy. “Why can’t he just give a simple answer to a simple question?” she says with exasperation. “If he asks me a direct question, I give a direct answer—yes or no.”

This is not an uncommon communication issue in relationships. I’ve heard the same basic frustration raised by parents and kids, workplace colleagues, and others. It is easy to identify with the one who just wants a straightforward response. We’d all like communication to be simpler, but it isn’t, a sentiment that is probably repeated in each of my “Thinking Out Loud” pieces. There is no getting around it, interpersonal communication is a complex process.

Back to storytelling. Storytelling is a fixture of culture. Stories allow us insight that we would not otherwise get with simpler, declarative statements. We need stories to understand the complex relationships in the material and non-material world. We experience stories in dance, music, visual art, literature, and literal storytelling.

For some people, there are no simple answers to questions. When they hear a question it opens the doorway to connections invisible to the eye of the questioner. Inside that doorway are many other doorways related and unrelated to the situation at hand. How to choose which door to open in the discussion becomes a creative and complex process.

Ellen acknowledges that she enjoyed Willie’s stories in the earlier part of their relationship. In fact, it was part of the interest and attraction. She saw it as a way to know Willie better because he was allowing her access to his inner world, expressing himself and being creative. But now, she often finds it frustrating. This is not uncommon: an attractive quality becoming troublesome in intimate relationships. As a relationship becomes more textured and complex, behavioral characteristics can become challenging.

Ellen questioned Willie’s motives for storytelling: Is he trying to be controlling? Is he condescending? Does he want to confuse her, so he doesn’t have to give a straight answer? The questions and their implications troubled her. As we explored these concerns and each person’s communication styles profiles, it was clear that Willie has a strong connection to the linguistic, visual-spatial, and intrapersonal components—not uncommon for storytellers. Ellen is much more oriented to the logical, linguistic, and interpersonal components.

The elements of style create a foundation for self-expression, which is not so much a matter of choice. Willie tells stories at work, at home and in social situations. He tells good stories, as Ellen remembers, but there are times when stories seem cumbersome and don’t lend well to the back and forth (interpersonal) that Ellen seeks.

Understanding and accounting for these individual differences and not criticizing one another’s style offers a beginning to fostering better communication. Once Ellen understood that Willie wasn’t trying to put one over on her, she could be more patient and at times ask him to be more succinct. Willie learned to be more flexible by giving “summaries” when possible and appreciating that his storytelling sometimes was cumbersome.

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Thinking Out Loud » dance

Seeing and Feeling the Dance

He Tells Stories, She Doesn’t