Anna and Tom had a big fight―one of those fights that starts with something small and ends up going global with each person bringing up numerous, unrelated issues. My first question to Anna when I next saw her was, “Are you still upset with each other or have you made peace?” Anna said they were [...]

The foundation of your communication style is directly related to your inherent abilities—the way you are wired. Yet there is more to it. Relationships influence how we use our style. Recently I had a question in the Communication Lab, bringing focus to this issue. The questioner indicated that both he and his wife have dominant [...]

Establishing a right/wrong framework in interpersonal communication is not likely to bring two people closer together. It is my belief that the goal of getting closer is overarching in personal relationships, even if we are not conscious of it in the moment of a heated discussion. When I explain this to couples in conflict, they [...]

It seems common sense to be direct in communication with others, asking clear questions and responding to what is said in a straightforward manner. In adult relationships we expect this, and in adult/child relationships we aspire to this. Sometimes, however, it just isn’t effective with kids, especially during transitions. Transitions occur constantly. For example: “It’s [...]

Interpersonal conflict is often perpetuated by each person trying to convince the other: “I’m right, you’re wrong.” I’m right, you’re wrong — at first glance this looks like a win/lose proposition, but actually it’s a lose/lose. I’m pretty certain I’ve said to every single couple I’ve ever counseled, “You’re both trying very hard to convince [...]