Comments for Thinking Out Loud

Comment on Name Calling by Jacqueline

Jacqueline — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:15:20 +0000

Thank you for this very helpful article, about a subject matter I was just recently discussing with my children! I find this a simple yet enlightening way to understand this common challenge between my kids and our whole family at those “relaxed” times.

Comment on Let’s Use Normal Language with Kids by acmyers

acmyers — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 16:35:57 +0000

You got that right!! And, as Cornelius wrote, all too often a “big word” masquerading as a diagnosis gets a medication response, when going through normal human experience of pain and confusion is the only way to get to the other side having learned something.

Comment on Let’s Use Normal Language with Kids by Cornelius

Cornelius — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:01:31 +0000

Amen. Thanks for this refreshing piece of common sense. Too often, we look for quick fixes whether through medication or otherwise.

Comment on Two Stories—Two Pictures by acmyers

acmyers — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:44:24 +0000

HMMMMM….I will think about my own 66-year-old need to “explain” myself, my actions. I think of it not as making excuses, but rather as trying to explain to others what my decision-making process was — though I can see sometimes in retrospect that the result of my process was not particularly helpful (and so the explanation isn’t, either). I need to analyze this behavior pattern in the light of your story and communication styles in general.

Comment on Two Stories—Two Pictures by Cornelius

Cornelius — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:03:35 +0000

This is a really fascinating story. I would love to hear future chapters….

Comment on Two Stories—Two Pictures by Mercy

Mercy — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 04:56:11 +0000

Thank you for this story. I understand how frustrating it is to have a child so thoroughly involved in thier world that they don’t seem to connect to any sort of actual direction. I have begun using the pause button idea with my son and has had amazing results. He was enthusiastic about the idea of having his own pause button and we are going to incorporate an actaul remote we don’t use anymore. At one point in a difficult conversation he started to drift away and I reminded him that he was on pause. He came back immediately and said, “oh, that’s right, I forgot about the pause button.” Amazing.

Comment on Men Have Feelings by Ernie

Ernie — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 22:50:19 +0000

Hi Bob,
This piece feels quite helpful for me, especially if I can remember to think about it in the moment of a conversation.

It reminds me of a recent situation with an employee who was feeling traumatized from an interaction with a manager. She could articulate how she felt but was having trouble with telling me what about the interaction more specifically made her feel that way. I wanted to know so that I could give the manager feedback. I was able to learn what it was by asking some questions although the employee still left our conversation saying she wasn’t quite sure what made her feel that way.

Working with the home visitors I spent a great deal of time helping them tease out the basis in their observations that brought on a feeling. It is sort of the inverse of what you are talking about here.

I hope you don’t mind my rambling along. Happy Father’s Day,
Ernie

Comment on The Five Percent Rule by acmyers

acmyers — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 00:39:48 +0000

Right on!! — especially the need for humility when considering anyone else.

Comment on Looking Out for One Another by Rodney

Rodney — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:29:43 +0000

This is a very powerful essay. Each of the issues you raise could be a separate future topic for Thinking Out Loud.

One problem is that people generally don’t talk enough in a real way. (I know that I don’t.) If we intentionally set aside even a little time on an on-going basis to talk about real things, then we would develop the habit of conversation with trusted friends to discuss the mildly important to the very important. So, in this world, it would be more natural to start talking about a particularly hard time we are experiencing, because we are already in the habit of talking about real things. As I imagine this type of world, I might actually initiate a conversation about my difficulty. Or, if I if I am observant about my friend’s behavior, I might say to my friend, “I notice that you are more quiet today; what’s going on?”

Comment on Looking Out for One Another by Phil Cave

Phil Cave — Mon, 31 May 2010 10:52:31 +0000

Depends on whether the “are you OK” is meant or some mere empty ritual.
Have you seen the look on the face if you say “No.”