In my consulting work with parents of young children, I encourage parents to notice what the child notices and then to make a comment. To some degree this is natural. When, for example, there is a loud airplane overhead and the child looks up, it is common for the parent to say, “Oh, there goes [...]

Seven-year-old Willie was having trouble on the playground with Dylan. Every time they played together, they fought, and it had reached the point that just approaching each other resulted in bad feelings and conflict of one sort or another. Their parents tried to encourage them to simply avoid each other. Although this seemed like a [...]

  First, the story: A mother and her five-year-old daughter go to a check-up with the pediatrician, who has an intern with him. The little girl has not been to the doctor’s office for several months and is usually reserved when she is there, deferring to her mother for communication with the doctor. In fact, [...]

Frequently, I’ve heard from parents of a child I’m counseling, the child’s rendition of our session. Parent: How was your session today? Child: We played checkers. I beat him. Parent: Did you do anything else? Child: No. Parent: Did you tell him about what happened at school yesterday? Child: No. I usually anticipate this type [...]

Too often, we try to solve behavior problems our kids are having without actively collaborating with the kids. We tell them what we want them to do and why, and expect compliance because what we want them to do is reasonable (to us). Sometimes this works and we get compliance, but is it really a [...]

Do You Know What I Mean?—Discovering Your Personal Communication Style was published one year ago. I’ve enjoyed having contact with many new people as a result of publishing this book and gotten a lot of worthwhile, positive feedback—all of which is gratifying. During the past year I’ve also noticed a pattern to the questions and [...]

My friend Al has a twenty-one-year-old cat. Not many cats live that long. Al has a few cats and takes good care of them. Two of them are pretty young, frisky, and demand attention. As expected, the old cat has become quieter and less active. Earlier this spring, the old cat seemed to be fading. [...]

What child hasn’t been scolded for calling someone names? They are admonished: That’s not nice. . . . We don’t call others names. . . . Tell him you’re sorry for calling him names. We use these and other familiar phrases to try to teach our children how to behave properly and respectfully in a [...]

Often, we use words like depression, bi-polar, panic attack, generalized anxiety disorder, and more to describe normal reactions kids have to life circumstances. This can be dangerous and gives kids the wrong message about life and our ordinary human experience in response to adversity. For example, a teenager breaks up with her girl friend and [...]

Ned is a very active seven year old boy—tireless and constantly in motion. His continuous imaginative play is captivating, both to himself and to anyone watching him. Within a minute of seeing a stick and a piece of crumpled up paper, for example, he has combined them with other objects to form a spaceship that [...]